Day off...

Well I'm in Juneau, Alaska again and I have been here for 2 weeks. Today is my first day off, and I had a big group of people who were going to go hiking with me, but everyone ditched and did other things...so I'm at home updating my blog. It is probably good to rest today. I have worked on average 10 hours a day for the last 13 days, so sleeping in and not doing anything is probably the best thing for me to do. I'm just sad that I barely have a week left in Alaska and I haven't done anything but work...but that's really why I came up...sad but true.

So much to do...

So I just got back from a wedding in Vancouver. Justin Dennison is now married! While I was there, we did all the wedding stuff, so beforehand we floated down a river just to chill for a while. It was really cool.

Earlier last week I went to Bellingham and saw a bunch of old friends and over the few days I was there, I saw a bunch of them. We hiked up a mountain for a sunrise(and made a snowman up there), jumped off a waterfall, and had a bonfire. At the bonfire, the phosflorescents (does anyone know how to spell this word?) came out and the WHOLE shoreline glittered! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! So I've had a good time with friends and a few adventures.

Now what? Now I leave for alaska for 3 weeks to (try to) relearn "American work ethics". I will be in Juneau, Alaska pretending to educate tourists who unfortunately don't know better than to believe me. Well, I'll try to stick to the truth...as best I know it. It's been 4 years, so a lot of my fact are really fuzzy. I'll try to update my blog there, but I might not be able to.

Out with the old...

NEW PHONE!!! FINALLY!!! I am really excited that I got a new phone! I had that old one for almost 3 years, and it took quite the beating. Finally I have a phone where all the buttons work, and hopefully all the cool new functions work well too. So most likely your number isn't saved in my phone. It just takes a long time. So you can either call me, or email me joeloliver@gmail.com with your number if you want in my new phone. I'll eventually get around to getting everyone in...but honestly...it takes forever! I'm excited regardless!

It's a GIRL!!!

Tuesday, August 22nd at 8:14pm, Madison Ann Field was born weighing 8 lbs 7 oz. She was 20 1/2 " long. My sister had been in the hospital for over a day already and she had a cesarean delivery. All is well though.

In other news, my little brother proposed friday to Carlee Wasson, his girlfriend of 4 1/2 years. They are planning on getting married next June.

As for what i'm doing...still no clue...I'll keep you posted.

Oh the changes...

This last week I spent in Oregon with my parents. It was nice to spend some time with the folks and (although very cold) at the beach. I continued to have my alone time there, which was very good for me. My sister still is pregnant, but soon I will be an uncle...voted to be the "craaazy uncle". Still waiting for God to direct me somewhere...I'm gonna get some odd jobs to get some money in the mean time. It's crazy how many things are the same...yet different. All in all, it's nice to be back where I can rest, and work on regaining my health. Soon I hope to do more than that. Still I would like to keep adventuring...not sure how or when...but God does.

Settling in to society...

I have been home for 2 weeks now. The confusing thing is that it feels like I've been here both longer and shorter than that. The first week I did less activity than a pile of jello...or at least that was the amount of energy i had. Then last week I went to a confrence in Tacoma put on by New Song (church in Tacoma). The confrence was very good! Most of it was a repeat of things I was taught in DTS, but it is always good to be reminded of the truth! God was certainly present there.

This week I am in Seaside, Oregon with my parents. A lot of families from my church are at Cannon Beach this week, so we're hearing Louis Palau speak this week. I didn't intend on going to so many confrences after DTS, but it actually seems normal to me. I plan on spending a lot of time this week in prayer for direction in where God wants me right now and for how long. I am confident that He will give me some direction this week. I know He doesn't want me idle forever(nor do my parents). Of course I won't forget my team, my sister (who is due any day), possibly going to Tonga this fall, or those of you who specifically asked for prayer.

One of my biggest fears at the end of my DTS was that I hadn't changed. I saw myself as the same person struggling with the same things....then I reread my journal...then I came home and saw how much God really did change me, and all the sudden all the bad things, and all the hard times slowly began to fade away. Of course i will never forget having pink eye for 2 weeks, and the like...but the lessons I learned and the intimacy with God I found make every hurt, every lesson, and every heartache worth it. One day I'll go back...but when that happens is up to God.

I have also become more and more greatful for everyone as my realization of how significant this has been to me. There is NO way I could have ever done this without your prayers, money, and love. The more I see that God had done in me and through me, the more I am greatful for what you have done. I pray that God will bless you double what you have blessed me with...and more than just money...because this trip was not about the money(although it wouldn't have happend without it)...it was about learning who I am in retrospect to who God is. Don't be mislead, I am still far from a conclusion...but I'm much closer than I was before. My love for all of you grows every day.

In His Grace,
Joel

From one adventure to another...

I am home again. The outcome from the trip was overall good:

Physically: I should be disease and parasite free by early next week. Total weight loss from leaving home to returning home was 25 pounds (For those of you who gave me money for extra food, Thank you SO MUCH!).

Emotionally: It has been a time of ups and downs, but overall good. I had a little post-experience blues, but after some sleep, food, prayer, and a little time, I'm feeling better. Still a bit drained from the experience.

Spiritually: DEFINATELY a time of growth. The begining of the trip I had a tough time. Although I prayed about it, I didn't truly surrender it all to God and trust in His Goodness. As time went on, and things got worse, I learned more and more how to surrender to God and turn to Him for strength to make it through the hard times, instead of whining to Him to take them away when they come. Still learning how to hear His voice. Still growing.

Financially: Overall blow to my bank account: FATAL! So this week I'm praying about direction where God wants me next. If I don't hear anything soon, I'll be looking for a job soon. I hope to go to alaska in September to make some money, and to have another brief adventure. But everything is in God's hands as I wait on His direction.

Overall: I am doing good. This week is my recouperation week. I hope I will be rested and ready to go next week, but I'm not going to push myself too soon. I feel better now, but i'm still a little weak, and tired. But overall I am doing well, and getting better.

I plan on keeping my blog up to date as things happen. I can not thank you enough for the support you all gave me these last months. I couldn't have gone in the first place without your financial support....and I don't know how much more weight I would have lost without the extra bits and pieces along the way for food. I know I couldn't have made it even through the first month emotionally or spiritually without your prayers. And my heart would have been crushed without your love that you have had for me through all this. Many people on my team did not have support in any form from back home, and went home to rough situations...it helped me to see how fortunate I really am.

Who knows what my next adventure will be? I know some of you in Kona are praying that I return there to staff a school...The answer is the same: you'll have to pray extra hard. Those of you here at home, and up in Bellingham who are praying that I return to you, Of course I love you...and of course, i'm torn in deciding...which is why God told me not to decide. I will do whatever God tells me, this does not affect my love for you. Whatever my adventure, and wherever I am (whether a cubical in tacoma, or a jungle in Naviti) I will always love you and do my best to keep you updated on my life. I am more greatful than you may ever know for all you have done for me...so thank you for being a part of my life and my adventures.

Joel

HOME!!!

I made it home safe and sound...one of my bags broke and thus some souveniers did as well...but i'm home! I'll write more soon. Feel free to call or email me if you want to hang out or chat.

On American Soil!

That's right folks, I left at midnight Fiji time and arrived 14 hours later in kona to meet our staff which was excited to see us. They, however had full nights of sleep, whereas we are tired, hungry, and desperate to have a warm shower. So after we had a brief meeting everyone has basically spent the whole night alone. Rachael is right about me having a juxtaposition of emotions. Happy to be back, sad to leave it behind, eager to see my old friends, reluctant to leave my new friends, etc. So tonight I sleep on a matress after I have a good shower and use a toilet that flushes with the press of a button. Man life is easy here...so why does it always feel so hard?

Coming to America!!!

We leave nadi (fiji) tonight at 11:59(why don't they just say midnight...honestly!) so we'll arrive tomorrow afternoon...the only cool part is that we get two WHOLE July 18ths..WHICH happens to be my half birthday...so does that mean two halfs make a whole? I dunno...I think so!

In other news, I have lost so much stuff here in the islands (*including a lot of weight) that I am down to a couple shirts and one pair of jeans, one pair of shorts and a sulu. I think I have more in kona...at least I hope so...but we'll see if it fits. I talked to a chemist (known in america as a pharmasist) yesterday and got some parasite pills, but she didn't think that worms would explain my drastic loss of weight so fast. She thinks that most likely i'm malnurished...but that wouldn't make sence because I ate what everyone else ate and some of them gained weight!

I fly to Washington state late on the 24th and I plan on having a pool party on Sunday July 30th starting around noon, so I would love to see you all...bring something to munch on if you can. I definately have some stories to tell and hopefully pictures to show...it depends on if I get them printed and sorted in time. I mailed a bunch of my souveneers yesterday and didn't ask until later how long it would take to get home....2 MONTHS! Ooops. Well I have to get another Sulu because I lost mine. My cell phone should work once I charge it. I will try to call some of you when I get a chance...

keep praying for me to hear God's voice because I don't know what He wants me to do when I get back, He just keeps telling me not to make any plans. I just haven't been hearing His voice too clearly...the whole changing of everything in my life again is cluttering my thoughts. I can't believe I'm leaving tonight. Thank you for your prayers.

Gunu Village

Last night I returned from Gunu village in the Yasawa Islands (Fiji). It was definately an adventure. We are now in Nadi until we leave tuesday night for Kona, Hawaii. Our time here and Kona will mostly be reviewing what God has taught us, how to apply it into our lives, and reminding us what "civilization" is like. Our time in gunu village was fun. We crammed into small houses with no electricity, and slept on concrete floors, and gathered food from the "bush" and fish from the sea to eat. It was truly "roughing it". I left my guitar with the family we stayed with and my Buck knife with my friend Amosi(who wanted to give me his beach to build a resort because I graduated from college.) I hope to go back one day...but I'm going to bring a matress to sleep on...besides that, it was the best possible way to end my time in the south pacific. We're staying at a 'resort' (so they call it) until tuesday...all I care about is that I get a warm shower and somethign soft to sleep on. Man...I'm comming home....soon.

My dissappearance

I leave at midnight tonight. The next 2 weeks I'm going to be in the Yasawa islands in Naviti where they have no electricity...and thus no internet. Please be praying for me. There are some things wrong physically and I've been losing weight regardless of what I eat, and daily I get headaches and dizzy spells. The doctor said to take a tylanol equivilant until I return to the states to figure out what's really wrong. 3 weeks from today i leave to fly home. I would appreciate your prayers for safety, health, and spiritual strength. I'm excited for this journey, just a little nervous about it's outcome. God has been up to something and I see so many puzzle pieces, yet have no idea what the puzzle is of. I look forward to seeing you all in person. I can not express how much your prayers have meant to me.

3 WEEKS LEFT!?>

Vacation wasn’t too bad. It got better...thank you all for your prayers.... My headaches and dizzy spells haven’t gotten any better though. I saw the doctor and she said I might have worms or something else due to my significant weight loss. My ear infection is officially better, yet I still have fluid in my ears and basically I’m going to need a full blown health check up when I get back. She basically said that I will survive until I get home. Keep praying for my health. I’m guessing my weight loss is about 30 pounds since I left home 6 months ago. Not certain though. We were looking through pictures and it’s pretty much obvious that I’ve lost weight.

Today we are supposed to leave for Naviti. However being in Fiji, everyone is on island time and we are not even certain that our boat is leaving today. Nobody is ever in a hurry here. There is a resort, and thus there should be phones, but internet on the island is unlikely. We will be there for 10 days. It will be a day boat ride each way, and then our last 3 days will be in Nadi (nan-dee). We fly to Kona on the 18th of July then home on the 24th. I can not believe that our time is almost over. I am ready to be home…but it is definitely different than being homesick; I’m just ready to be home. I know that I’ll miss the islands. I know that returning home will be hard. I know I will miss everyone. I know that I have had some hard times here, but God met me. All that I have gone through and all that I have learned I want to remain in my heart. I don’t want to forget what God has taught me. Pray that I continue to learn these last few weeks and that I don’t quit before my time is up. I can't believe I only have 3 weeks left....wow...

Not my favorite vacation...

This vacation has been more stressful for me than our normal weeks. I'm stuck in a tourist trap. We're in Sigatoka which is in the middle of nowhere. Everything around here is touristy and rediculously expensive. The salespeople in the market and city are more agressive than anywhere I have ever been. They will follow you trying to get you to go to their shop. Prices will change with their mood and everything looks like something you'd find in a dollar store. Everything I want to do is REALLY expensive or at least a 2 hour drive...but car rentals and taxi's are really expensive, and the bus would take twice as long. So basically I could do 4 hours there, 4 back, but when I would get there, I'd need to find a taxi there to take me wherever. So it's so much effort and nobody wants to go through that, so either I have to go alone or not at all. I have spent so much time and effort trying to find things to do, and everything is minimum 60 bucks a person, so we just sit around and our rooms are small, so there is no personal space. Our "hot water" lasts 10 seconds then it falls to a trickle...litterally a trickle. We're on the beach, but the tide is so dangerous that when we went out this morning (...we were waist deep on the coral...) they sent a ski doo after us to tell us to go back to the hotel. So i'm stuck in a tourist trap...and basically if I want to do anything everyone else is "too tired" "not in the mood" or would rather sit around and watch tv. Everyone always sits on my bed to watch tv too. So when I go to bed at night my bed is dirty because nobody wears shoes anymore. So basically I'm irritated and tired of this team right now. Oh and there is only one computer with the internet for all the hotels on the beach, so someone wants to use it. It's 6 bucks an hour, but it's 12 an hour in town. I need to be polite, i've had 30 minutes. Pray that I find a way of resting...right now I'm so bored and stressed and irritated that I can't express it. I will see you all soon. I love and miss you all.

Ear Infection!

I found out yesterday morning that I have an ear infection! I'm on medication, but I have found that chewing gum helps more than anything. However, the good news is that the doctor (Sofia) and her husband will join us on our vacation later next week, so when my ear should be better, I can have a check up! So please pray for my ear.

Today we leave Lautoka for vacation for a week! I am really excited that we finally get a break...however I am REALLY sad that I won't be able to take pictures. I didn't budget for a vacation either, so I hope I'll have enough to do fun things and buy souveniers. A few people are talking about going sky diving! (Yes mom, I want to go...No dad, I don't have the money) We're trying to get a local discount or somthing...oh and they're going to try to find a place to feed the sharks! (Yes brooke, I want to go...No TJ, I can't go underwater that deep with an ear infection.) I am tempted to try to buy a camera just so I can take pictures, but if I spend all my money on a camera, I won't have anything to take pictures of. So pray for me to find things that are fun and will help me relax and rejouvenate, because I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

NO more PICTURES!

My camera broke yesterday. The lens is stuck and I tried to take it apart, but I can not fix it without proper tools. I didn't drop it, nobody abused it, I had taken a picture, and then out of the blue it stopped working. It has been acting up(I think there might be some sand in the camera...it has been making a funny noise every now and then), but it finally just stopped. I have taken thousands of pictures so far, and other people will have cameras...but not me. It should be fixable once i'm back in the states, but apparently there are no camera shops "in fiji" but someone said we might find someone in Suva...4-6 hours away... I will post some pictures once I can gather them.

As far as the spiritual burden goes, it is not gone, nor has it been lifted, but it has become a little more bearable. But things keep happening (Big and small) to toy with my sanity. I know that I am in God's hands, yet last night I was overwealmed with fear and anxiety. Keep praying that I am able to understand what He's trying to teach me. He has been speaking clearer than ever...yet I feel like there is more junk that needs to come out of my ears in order to truly hear clearly. Keep praying.

Back to Lautoka

I arrived Fiji safe and sound, but my last few days have been quite the roller coaster ride. While I was in Kona, I was told that one of my biggest strongholds (spiritual weaknesses that I am vulnerable to) is fear that leads to apathy...and for the first time ever, I experienced that in full force! I have no idea why i was so scared...so being scared made me more afraid...and the fear compounded until I was so scared that I cared about nothing. It is hard to find alone time...especially since the building is required to always be locked(to prevent intruders). God has made it clear that I am to be here now, and my (limited) alone time has been good. I have had a few people pray over me(and many more unknown praying for me) and God has spoken comforting words to me....well....more comforting than not. Basically He has told me that He is going to smooth out my anxiety, not take it away(whatever that means).

Good news on my health though: I was working at a medical clinic yesterday and today, and yesterday at the end of the day, I went to get my ear checked out, and she pulled out the largest piece of earwax i have ever seen! I was going to post a picture, but it was way grosser than my pink eye. So she flushed my ear out with warm water for a while and it gradually loosened and came out. This was why i have been getting dizzy, why I have had headaches, why i was having trouble hearing and why my ear made noise like a speaker cutting out from time to time. The medicine is really strong and makes me REALLY drowzy, yet I woke up just fine, so no hangover(as was expected).

thanks for the prayers...it's truly a battle in my mind right now...pray that I have the endurance to fight and not be too tired to love at the end of the battles.

Leaving for Fiji

My heart is heavy again. I only have 10 minutes left online, so I will do my best to explain. I have very much enjoyed my time here and the freedom allowed. The people are amazing and once you get past their initial shyness, they are a giving and loving people. I have had my own hard times that most of you don't know about, but it was these times that made me draw closer to God...and the alone time at the beach has helped enormously! I found God on the beach at night here, and almost daily had revelations in my walks that would go from 30 minutes to 3 hours. However, I return to the city of Lautoka, Fiji tomorrow. No more walks at night because they lock the building at 8pm(?...it keeps changing) and because it's in the city. My heart's burden is only heavier due to my sudden loss of freedom to have my alone time. I know that God is teaching me something, but I don't know what yet. My desire is to follow where He leads, and my burdens have only gotten heavier. I need prayer that I can have my alone time in Fiji and that my heart will be set free from this burden somehow. I trust God knows what He's doing, but I am still scared because my heart is so tender and vulnerable. Pray that I have discernment and wisdom in my actions. I love you all.

Day of rest...

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Sometimes I wonder if people even read my blog besides the 4 of you who normally reply...it is very encouraging to hear that my ramblings have blessed some of you...your prayers blessed me yesterday. For those of you who have been reading my blog, you know that I had been begging for a day off, and hadn’t got one…and once God had given me the rest that I had been begging for, it POURED down rain SO bad that we couldn’t do any ministry and yesterday we had basically just for praying and journaling and playing games with our team. It was amazing. Our morning activities these last two weeks have been a school for the kids in the village who can't afford to go to school, and afternoons has been going door to door, and last weekend was a "revival"ish thingie. But yesterday we had SO much rain. Not only that, but we had buckets and bowls all around our little shed to catch the water comming through the roof. It was funny until all our stuff was wet and the power shorted...I'm still laughing about it though. The rain made it so that we couldn't do our ministries as normal, and then just before dinner time, it cleared up and I went to my beach again for 2 1/2 hours and just walked down until I went around the point and then saw part of the sunset peering out between the rainclouds and listened to the ocean as God continued to sing to me.

I have been realizing more and more how when I refuse to surrender anything, it proves my lack of trust in Him. He is GOOD by nature. "God is Good." Yet, when I do not surrender something, my actions say "but I am better..." So as I sat there, I wrote things in the sand that God wants me to surrender, and then His powerful waves came up and washed the sand clean...just as it was before I wrote the words down. It is the same with us. When we surrender something, it is washed away completely, and only when we rewrite it in the sand does it need to be washed away again. So this old lesson was a good reminder that God is so eager to wash us clean. I just don't know what I am going to do when I move back to Fiji next week...I love the beach here, and in Fiji, we will be in the city and no more alone time...pray for me for that.

Learning to worship...

I have become accustomed to going to the beach at night to pray. Living in quarters as small with so many people makes it difficult for me to concentrate while I pray. I have tried doing a quiet time on the beach in the morning, but whenever we walk around during daylight hours, we are followed. Sometimes it is by little kids that don’t speak English, so it is just difficult to know what they want. So my quiet times have been at night on the beach when it is dark because then people are intimidated by the “creepy guy on the beach.” My prayers have been a little different too. I always open the door to God, close the door to Satan, and then tell God that I will obey whatever He tells me to do, and I will pray for whoever He brings to mind, and I will talk with Him about whatever perks my interest…keeping in mind Philippians 4:4-13. (if you don’t know it, look it up!!!)

This last week I felt like God told me to put my guitar down for a while. It has been a little difficult for me to worship, because it has been a growing part of my life. As I was at the beach last night, I had an interesting conversation with God about worship. It started with talking about how long I am going to go without playing guitar. He asked me “If you were dating someone and the only nice thing you ever did for her was write her songs and sing love songs…how would she feel? Wouldn’t she get bored with them after a while?” Then I understood that although music is good and helpful, worship is FAR more than just music. It is not even what I thought it was.

I always played the role of the seeker and pursuer in my songs. It only made sense to me. I am the male…I am to play the role of the male. The man is to pursue his love until she will receive him. His job is to prove his love, and to show that his love is real, because she doubts his sincerity. He is to be persistent, displaying over and over again until she lets her guard down and allows him in her heart. It was at that time that God showed me that I had it backwards this whole time. WE are the bride of Christ! HE PURSUES US!!! It is not our job to seek Him out, nor to prove our love. He doesn’t expect us to pursue Him. SO OFTEN we talk about how we found God and not how God found us! He has been seeking us out this whole time!

So worship has to begin with listening to His love song over us. We will not hear this song unless we are still…thus it says “Be still and know that I am God!” He is trying to sing to us. We overlook His songs to us too often. But EVERY sunrise, every sunset, every cloud and star, from the tiniest of organisms to the largest of mountains, he uses all that He has made to serenade us with His songs. This creation is His love song to us…but when we walk away in the middle of His song, we do not need to fret, because just as anyone who is in love, He will continue to sing to us until we acknowledge Him and listen to His love song.

Some songs he sings daily, like the sunrise and the sunset, other songs he sings in season, like the colors of fall, or the fragrance of spring. Regardless of what song He is singing, we need to realize that He will not quit singing ever…EVER! Once we hear these songs, all the worries and burdens of the world fade away. All our hopes and dreams melt into the desire of knowing God. We do not need to try to convince God to fall in love with us. Our job is not to romance God, but to listen to God as he romances us!

After we hear this song, we respond like any bride would respond to her loving husband who expresses his love to her. She doesn’t need to say “Give me a little while before I respond to you.” NO! She runs to his arms and expresses her emotions right then and there! Of course there will come a time where she does something in response to this love. But so often we have the mentality that when the music isn’t any good, worship is “bad” or “we don’t get anything out of it.” Well NEWSFLASH: Worship is NOT FOR YOU!!! If you have to discipline yourself to worship, you’re not listening to His song. Worship will naturally happen as a response to His love for us. If you have not had this revelation, continue to pray and ask God to sing you His song.

I have not had a day off yet, and I have not had my rest yet. We’ve been doing a school in the mornings and going door to door in the afternoons and bible studies in the evenings…so despite my lack of sleep, He has been granting me rest as I walk in the dark on the beach. So your prayers continue to change my life. I have been praying for God to reveal His love to me…and it became so obvious that I was shutting Him up in my attempt to hear Him. He wants us to just sit and be with Him. He wants to hear about my day, to catch my tears, hear my silly songs, and hear my inside jokes. So I hope and pray that you can stop long enough to hear this love song.