Vanuatu update

Thank you to all of you who have been praying for me. Our team has spent every morning with the children of the village who can not afford school (it is about 300 bucks us per term), and afternoons we’re going door to door. It is very tiring on me, and our team is already worn thin from the first 2 months of outreach. We are planning on staying here for 2 more weeks, then back to lautoka for 2 1/2 weeks, then 2 1/2 weeks in one of the outer islands, then the last few days in lautoka before we head back to kona. We had been talking about going to samoa, but it does not look like God will open the doors for us to go. So unless we get an invitation and a blessing from our leadership, we will not go.

Keep praying that we will somehow get the rest that our spirits need. I don’t even know what would do it. We need more than sleep, probably more than a day off (it has been about 2 weeks since we had a whole day off), more than something fun to do (I haven’t even played a game in weeks). I am just bored of being serious. I rarely learn or do anything new or fun and all we do is walk around talking about Jesus’ love and I’ve been struggling to feel His love personally, so it has been really hard for me to share it. I’m bored with movies and even getting bored with music. I have 7 more weeks of outreach and it’s not like I don’t want to be here, it’s just that I don’t want to do anything. The only time I have enjoyed honestly has been my times alone with God on the beach. No music, no people, no distractions…just the sound of the water and the feel of the sand between my toes…and sometimes stars or rain. Yet God keeps telling me to spend time with the people here…and I feel like they are bored with me. It’s quite the vicious cycle.

So pray for life for me and my team. We have plenty of things to do, but after so much being serious, I want to enjoy life and God’s creation…because that’s how I enjoy God. I almost went swimming the other night in the ocean during the lightning storm, but then I thought if the lightning didn’t kill me, my mom would. So I opted out.

I am learning how to surrender all, which has been a surprise how easy and hard it is at the same time. It’s as easy as saying the words, yet you need to conform your desires to God’s, and so it’s a daily process. Surrendering the same things daily was something that I thought was proof that you hadn’t really surrendered. Yet God has been showing me that it is impossible to completely surrender some things. So as a result, we need to admit that we’re not capable, and admit that God knows best. After we surrender it, when we leave our prayers, we will gradually forget that we gave it away and it sneaks back in, and as soon as you see it in your possession, admit it to God and give it back. Basically, we’re spiritual kleptos.

I will keep up the fight, because I see that good is coming of it despite my fatigue, so I will trust that God will give me strength until he gives me the rest I need. I hope this is insightful and helpful for you in more ways than just how to pray for me. I love you all.